At a news conference in South Beriut today the world was again shocked by an announcement by Hezbollah authorities that the high flying, boozing, Christian movie idol Mel Gibson has converted to Islam and will now head the Hezbollah military. Gibson was present at the conference and said, “ I’m tired of those Jew babies and am now siding with the Hezbollah to eradicate Zionism from the face of the earth.” Gibson has changed his name to Mohammed almel Gibzujahezzqawiiabuson.
Gibson rode into the meeting on a camel with a rifle held high over his head yelling, “death to the Jewish infidels.” When ask why he was down on the Jews, Gibson indicated that they had killed Christ and he was tired of their whining about the Holocaust. He said, “the holocaust was no worse than what the Catholics had to endure when all their priest were accused of being pedophiles and gays.”
Gibson said that he had always wanted to be like Lawrence of Arabia since that was his favorite movie. He remarked to a reporter that he just regretted that there were no trains to blow like Lawrence was so famous for doing. Gibson was sporting the beginning sprouts of a beard. He said, “Peter OToole was unable to grow a beard for the Lawrence movie because he was blond and blue-eyed and would have looked even more like a freak in the Arab world.
Gibson said he loved the character William Wallace who he played in Braveheart. He was a mad Scot in the 13th Century who was hacked off at the British Lords who tried to go to bed with his wife on their wedding night and ended up killing her. The Jews are worse than the English Lords and I am now willing to put on my war paint and be drawn and quartered to see them eliminated.
When ask about his alcohol problem he said, ”two days in rehab were enough to set me straight . I know that Muslims don’t drink, but if the infidel Bush can give it up so can I.”