The Federal Drug Administration announced today the release of the long anticipated drug Youthall. Years of research have gone into the development of this miracle drug which is reported to cure all forms of cancer, and reverse coronary artery disease and all forms of arteriosclerosis . It has the added benefit of providing immunity to all infectious diseases including AIDS and curing Type I and II diabetes. It also reverses all birth defects and congenital abnormalities. After a few days of therapy it cures all neurological disorders including any type of paralysis as well as most neurological diseases such as muptile sclerosis , movement disorders and all forms of headache. It restores youthful vitality and sexual function to that of a 20 year. All forms of senility are reversed and 20 points are added to the IQ. These are only a few of the many conditions which are cured by this amazing drug which if taken regularly allows you to eat any food of your choice, including pizza, chicken fried steak with lots of gravy, and ice cream . Unlimited amounts of alcohol may be consummed without fear of developing cirrhosis. Smoking may also be reinstated for those who take the medication on a regular basis.
The FDA warns that Youthall is not for everyone and should not be taken if you have had an upper respiratory infection in the past five years, have had a hair cut within the past two years, traveled more that a mile from your home since birth, or have ever had a headache or any sexual desires. Any type of lethargy, pain, weakness, dizziness, are indigestion, should be reported to your doctor immediately
The next time you are in your doctors office don't forget to insist on a prescription for Youthall. Call it by name or the big red pill. If your doctor refuses to give you the Rx threaten to sue him or change physicians. Those things usually get his attention.