Tuesday, July 25, 2006

The Bush administration shocked the world today with the announcement that secret bargaining has been going on with Chief Judge Raouf Abdel-Rahman who presides over the Saddam Hussein trial. It has been decided that Hussein’s former crimes are to be forgiven and he is to be reinstated as Supreme Dictator of Iraq. Bush has decided that it’s the only solution to the mess in Iraq. It’s expected that the insurgents will quickly fall in line with the new regime and all hostilities toward the US will cease. US troops will be immediately withdrawn.
The US has agreed to reimburse Saddam 10 trillion dollars of his personal wealth which was seized during the American invasion. His statues, posters and banners, once displayed on every street corner, will be replaced. In exchange Saddam now freely admits that he did have weapons of mass destruction which included chemical and biological agents which were easily buried in the desert during the prolonged UN inspection. Rocket launchers were easily moved to Syria and are the ones now being used against the Israeli pigs. Saddam also readily admitted that he was well into negotiations with Putin of Russia for nuclear material.
The US has also agreed to give Saddam his gun back. This gun was very important to Hussein and was a familiar site to the world as he stood on the balcony assuring his people that he was indeed the supreme leader who would blow their heads off if they voted against him in their democratic elections.
As part of the bargaining, Hussein has agreed to resume gassing and other inhumane acts against the Iranians. He will also resume negotiations with Russia which in turn will help them reestablish their nuclear arsenal and return us to the good old days of the cold war so that spy novelist will again have some decent material for their stories and James Bond films will again have some excitement.
Saddam sealed the deal by shaking hands with Donald Rumsfield. American troops are expected to be withdrawn immediately. Bush was reported to have said, “ now maybe Cindy Sheehan will keep her mouth shut and I can go back to Crawford in peace.”


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