Sunday, July 23, 2006

Dan Rather, who has always been a friend of terrorist and madmen, has recently landed a job as an anchor man with the Al-jazeera network. He went through a stage of depression following his departure from CBS News but has found new life and is overjoyed with his new job. His wife was not too happy about their move to a new home in a cave somewhere between Afghanistan and Pakistan.
His first assignment was coverage of an International terrorist meeting hosted by Osma bin Laden. Most of the words most notorious terrorist and madmen were present at the meeting including; Mahmaud Ahmadinejad of Iran, Sheik Hassan of the Hezbollah, Abdel Aziz Rantisi of Hamas, and Kim Jong of North Korea. Even Rather's friend Fidel Castro, pictured above, was present. At first Dan had a little difficulty with so many weird names but is gradually getting the hang of it.
The opening address at the meeting was by bin Laden. He urged Muslims worldwide to unite against the infidel pigs of Israel and the United States. Dan Rather told of his conversion to Islam and also related a few humorous stories about the cowardly George W. Bush and his National Guard service.
The conference was filled with workshops and seminars which included; suicide techniques, roadside bomb making, flying but not landing airplanes, shoe bomb repair, and the fundamentals of atomic bomb construction. A packed house was present for a lecture on the here after and the handling of multiple virgins at one time. The workshop on bomb making was a big bang and was held in a special cave with a viewing portal for the instructor who was safely posioned in an adjacent cave. There were a number of casualities in the workshop, but the instructor remained safe and secure.
Rather reported that the conference was a big success. Rather also presented a workshop on subjects such as; frightening people with the news, effective techniques on lying to the public and deceptive backdrops for press conferences so that the audience couldnot tell the place of orgin.
Rather's salary for the new job has not been disclosed but rumors have it that he has been promised a larger number of virgins than the 9/11 group. His wife was also not happy with this part of the deal.


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