Friday, August 11, 2006

A new threat has been uncovered this week with the arrest of 21 people in London who were planning on blowing up airlines using liquid explosives. As a result, all airlines have been placed on high alert and carry on liquids will now be forbidden. Homeland Security Chief Michael Chertoff announced that American Airports have been place on red alert. Al-Quaida are again the group responsible for the terrorist act.
As an ostomy patient this is going to make it tough to fly because most ostomy folks always carry a small bag with their ostomy supplies including a liquid to cleanse the bag. Ostomy patients are never without their little bag, so flying for them may be a thing of the past.
If al-Quida madmen only knew that ostomy patients have the ultimate lethal weapon it would spell the end of all air travel. All ostomates (this is what fellow ostomy patients call themselves) know that the most offensive odor in the world is the contents of their ostomy bags. When the bags fill with gas expelled from the colon, this gas is hundreds of times more odorous that that expelled from the rectum even from the most revolting redneck. Ostomates are careful to open their bags outside or in isolation in their own bathrooms with plenty of matches and deodorizers. If a full ostomy bag was opened in the confines of an airplane everyone would bail out without a parachute and the plane would likely crash because of asphyxiation of the pilot
God forbid the terrorist finding out about the power of the ostomy bag contents. It would be better and more merciful for the world for them to have the atomic bomb.


Blogger jeff ludwick said...

I am afraid that the days of travel for most Protestant caucasians are about over. It is only a matter of time until boarded first like children and handicapped while the rest of us are forced to totally disrobe and be disinfected. I can hear it now..."Naked male caucasians to the left and naked female caucasians to the right! Your clothing and Ozarka water bottles will be returned to you upon arrival."

1:07 PM  

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