Thursday, August 17, 2006

Homeland Security Chief, Michael Chertoff, called well-known celebrity psychologist, Dr. Phil McGraw, into service today to train airport security in psychological profiling. It is now believed that terrorist can be detected by their body language and is a more sensitive security measure than having everyone take off their shoes. Liquid explosives and shoe bombs can’t be detected by X-Ray and Homeland Security had to find a better way to identify madmen, Dr. Phil seemed to be the answer.
Dr. Phil achieved national fame through Oprah Winfrey and the famous Amarillo meat trial. He had established a reputation for helping select the right jurors for a trial to favor the client he had been paid to help. He saw Oprah successfully through her trial and later became famous on her show with his behavioral approach to psychology and advice for troubled people. He then got his own show and has made millions. He is now eminently qualified to help our nation and stop the terrorist from blowing up our planes.
Dr. Phil says you can tell if a guy is a terrorist, and ready to blow himself up, by the expression on his face and certain body language. He said, “key things to look for are a furrowed brow, beads of sweat on the face or a twitching lip.” A swarthy look, a heavy beard and a turban also help but these can’t be used because it is considered racial profiling. He said, ‘with my method we also look at grandmothers, cripples and babies.” He indicated that, ‘everyone should be under suspicion because you just never know when babies and grandmothers will get into the act of blowing themselves up.”


Blogger jeff ludwick said...

This makes perfect sense to me. If I were involved in airport security I would absolutely search any man in cowboy boots and hat and sporting a belt buckle large enough to cover an apple pie or serve a hungry-man size bowl of chili in. Why subject a fellow in a turban to all of that nonsense? Can you imagine how long it must take to put one of those things back on your head the right way? And most of the women are so ugly that the terminal workers feel they might turn to pillars of salt if they see their faces. As Americans we need to be more sensitive...these things will work themselves out in a few hundred years if we will just quit profiling every person that comes along. For crying out loud, all snakes aren't dangerous either. Most of us should consider getting our children a few for house pets just to "get acquainted with the species".

11:25 AM  

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