Lately. I have been doing a lot of yard work. For the last three years we have gone organic in fertilizing the yard. I put lava sand, Texas green sand, dried molasses, cornmeal and organic fertilizer on a couple of times a year. This year I added a load of topsoil and turkey manure. Everything is growing like wild. It works great.

We have a herd of deer that live in the neighborhood and they have consumed many of the plants and shrubs in the yard. I have spent a great deal of time on the internet reading about deer resistant plants, since it’s against the law for me to shoot them. I now have a yard of, so called, deer resistant plants. Many of these are herbs. My partner and I have planted a nice herb garden in the yard and decorated it with rocks interspersed with the plants. It looks and smells great. Things like rosemary, English lavender, thyme, and chives are very aromatic and I sure hope are offensive to the deer. I also planted a lot of sage, verbena, lambs ear, Asian jasmine, liriope and other plants deer are supposed to hate.

I love a vegetable garden, but so do the deer. I couldn’t resist planting some tomatoes and peppers. I have set these out in large buckets next to the house, so, hopefully, the deer wouldn’t be bold enough to sample the goodies. I have 12 tomato plants that are growing nicely. The buckets for the plants cost 8 dollars each. I bought some, sturdy, metal stakes for $1.70 each. I used a rich mixture of potting soil and a garden mix I purchased from the nursery for the plants. This mixture added several dollars to the cost. I also feed the plants with an expensive, potent fertilizer so they are now stronger than the adjacent stakes A bottle of spray for setting the tomato blossom and promoting growth of a succulent morsel of fruit cost $10.00. I keep a very close eye on the plants from the porch, and water them dutifully every day. I figure that each tomato will cost me about $100 if they make it. If the deer eat any, then I ‘m bringing out the rifle. I’m keeping an accurate record of all my expenses, which I plan to use in my defense if I am arrested for shooting the deer.

My personal problem is not with terrorist and the Muslims but with the deer. I wish homeland security would come to my rescue. If they do throw me in jail for killing a deer and protecting my property, it may not be so bad. With the way the economy is going and the price of everything increasing, I figure jail may be a good alternative to the porch. I simply can’t afford the porch any longer. With Obama as president he will release all the bad, black guys and gays in prison so it may not be such a bad place. I would like to go to one of those nice Federal prisons, like where Martha Stewart did her time. They have parties and everything. Well, wish me luck with the tomatoes.