Friday, April 30, 2010

What Next? A giant oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico, from a recent rig explosion, is about to wipe out all the shrimp and oysters I love so much. It will also kill the bird life I have enjoyed watching through the years. The price of gasoline is about to skyrocket and the stock market will drop. This will make Katrina look like a spring shower.

Meanwhile, to the north the planet is melting from global warming and to the south the rain forests are disappearing. To the east and west, terrorist are threatening to vaporize us with a nuclear bomb. While at home, I am about to be taxed to death through taxes on my retirement savings and a value added tax. The new healthcare reform is creating a doctor shortage and there will be no one available to take care of my heart attack and stroke. My car runs away when I press on the accelerator and my food is tainted with E. Coli and other pathogens.

To make matters worse I went to the post office today and opened an advertisement from the Neptune Center, which wants me to sign up in advance for cremation. This will save on the cost for an expensive funeral home and allow me to be buried anywhere. I think Iran and the terrorist plan on taking care of my cremation so I will probably pass on the offer from the Neptune Center.

Pedophiles, rapist and other perverts are moving into the neighborhood, so it’s unsafe on the street. I’m afraid to go to church because an arsonist recent burned ours to the ground and men of the cloth are suspect of being molesters. There is just no safe place.

I’m thinking of building a moat around the porch and filling it with piranhas and alligators. With my luck the deer will probably eat the piranhas. That’s the reason I have thrown in the alligators because they are supposed to love deer meat. It’s costing more and more to fortify the porch. Things just aren’t looking good, but I plan to stay on my lead lined porch as long as possible.


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