Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Everyday I ask myself why are we in the Middle East? I know it has to be oil, but I had rather walk than put up with that bunch of maniacs. The people are crazy and irrational. To try and make them a democracy is insane. It just won’t happen. Their rules and beliefs are so different than ours; there is no hope for us understanding each other.

The latest is that in Malaysia, Kartika Sari Dewi Shukamo, a 32 year old female nurse, will be punished by caning and pay a $1,400 fine for drinking a beer at a party. It is against Islamic law to drink alcohol and for a female it is even worse. What kind of society punishes its people by whipping them with a cane? It’s like a joke. Text messaging while driving a car is much worse than drinking a beer. How would they be punished for that? I think beheading would be appropriate.

Yesterday, I heard another good one by this deranged bunch of lunatics. A suicide bomber tried out a new technique, which now poses a great threat to all of us. He stuffed a bomb into his rectum and then detonated it. His family should be awarded the Guinness Book of World Records for the world’s most powerful flatus. It’s going to be hard detecting these nuts when they board airlines. Going through security now means you may have to get a colonoscopy. That should discourage air travel.

The new US military commander in Afghanistan is Stanley McChrystal. He has changed strategies and now says we have to make friends with the people and go down the street shaking hands. There will be no more air strikes to blow up buildings and endanger citizens when we are trying to kill the Taliban or get Osama bin Laden. Good luck. Who is a citizen and who is a Taliban? Also, the government is so corrupt that we will never get those miserable, bearded, dirty folks to alien with us. All the pictures just show them squatting like they are having a perpetual bowl movement. Most are probably planting roadside bombs.

On top of all this we have crazy leaders like Mahmoud Ahmadineiad in Iran who denies the holocaust and just wants to wipe Israel off the planet with his nuclear weapons.

I say that we should just leave the place after bombing the area with Dial soap and razors. How they multiply so fast is beyond me. They are reproducing so rapidly they will soon take over the world. They may even become a threat to the deer in Salado. The next thing you know is that instead of deer in my back yard there will be squatting Muslims, planting bombs in the yard and beating their women for revealing a bit of flesh or drinking a beer.


Blogger Andy Montgomery said...

This is one of your best blogs yet!!

12:36 PM  
Blogger jeff ludwick said...

As hard as it may be to believe, we might be able to come to a compromise or two and help all of our countries out. Although I do not approve of caning, I would be 100% for the practice if it were limited to caning corrupt politicians and lawyers. Perhaps an occasional banker or two just for good measure. Rather than fine them we could put the caning out to the highest bidder and our national debt would likely be balanced in a year or so. I know that I would pay dearly to take a few healthy whacks at Barney Frank or Nancy Polosi.

And if those idiots want to walk around with bombs inserted where the sun doesn't shine we should let them practice detonating in New Orleans, San Francisco, Detroit or maybe even Washington, D.C. itself if we could make sure that Congress is in session.

Either way, I don't see that we need to panic in any way. I am sure that Obama The Anointed One will just sit down with these leaders, perhaps in a Starbucks, and express to them our concerns. That should just about do it, and if not, he can introduce them to the folks at A.C.O.R.N. They might be willing to swap them deer for cash as their people are starving and the deer multiply about as fast as the Muslims and it would all work out as part of God's plan, as Gus would say in Lonesome Dove.......

12:40 PM  

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