All members of the medical team at the Scott & White Hospital are working diligently to contain the spread of the highly contagious and deadly HlNl virus, formerly know as Swine Flu. It’s like a tale out of “The Microbe Hunters” and even more exciting than the story of Walter Reed as his team discovered the mosquito to be the vector for Yellow Fever.

Someone on the Scott & White team is destined to get a Nobel Prize for their effort in discovering the means for transmission of this lethal virus. Recently, the dress code for the doctors was changed because it was felt that ties and long sleeve shirts might harbor the virus. Today, it was announced that one of the hospital administrators feels that Gideon Bibles in the patient rooms may be a source of transmission. Bibles have been banned from all rooms and members of the Gideon team are forbidden access to the hospital. It has even been suggested that a Bible burning may be in order to demonstrate to the public that the hospital means business in its effort to stop the spread of HlNl.

Other probable avenues of transmission of the virus are being evaluated. Administrators have taken a more aggressive role in the effort to contain the virus than the physicians or epidemiologist. They are now suggesting that the handling of money might be a source for transmission and it may be announced that the hospital will no longer accept money. Services may be free since this is already inevitable with upcoming national healthcare.

As a service to the community, the hospital is recommending some immediate steps for citizens to take in an effort to stem the tide of the epidemic. It was suggested that all libraries and schools be closed to avoid contact with books, which are now considered the primary source of transmission. Churches should also be closed because pew Bibles may be the actual origin and breeding ground for the virus. Bars may remain open because alcohol is the best know antiseptic agent and these areas are deemed to be a safe harbor.

A team from the CDC is scheduled to be at the hospital within the next few days and may participate in a massive Bible burning for the city. National coverage is expected from CNN and Larry King is scheduled to interview our star administrator.

My spouse and I enjoy reading the Bible on the porch. In an effort to eradicate any virus that our scriptures may harbor we placed all the Bibles on a table in the back yard and exposed them all day to the 102 degree Texas sun. That should be enough to kill anything. As an added precaution we are handling the Bibles with surgical gloves and are wearing surgical mask and operating attire for our readings. May God protect us.