Saturday, January 24, 2009

The new president had just finished taking his oath of office the second time this week when the Federal Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved the use of human embryonic stem cells for a trial in treating spinal cord injured patients. This is great. Now we can get down to curing incurable diseases and cloning people. Obama has ordered an immediate cloning of himself so the specimen will be ready to become president as soon as his youngest daughter leaves office. Barack will have 4 terms, like FDR, because it will take at least that long to straighten out the economy and the Middle East. He will be succeeded by each of his daughters. That will be just about enough time for the cloned specimen to be ready.

These stem cells are great things. A cell from a fresh embryo is pluripotent, which means it is like a blank slate and can be manipulated into becoming any type cell. In the case of the spinal cord injured patient who can’t walk, because of the nerve damage, these cells can become nerve cells that repair the injury. In my case, fresh brain cells may repair the damage from Alzheimer’s and other maladies of old age. I may life forever. That’s good because it may take that long to recover the losses in my retirement fund.

Congress needs to immediately pass a bill to outlaw all forms of contraception. We need as many pregnancies as possible to ensure an adequate supply of embryos for use in producing the stem cells. Scientist also need to figure out if the products of abortion can be used for the cells since abortion will be back in vogue.. Gays may not like all this stuff because they can’t contribute to the stem cell production racket. However, they should be happy because we will be able to produce kids in the lab who will be up for adoption by same sex couples. Same sex marriages will soon be legal, so there will be a great demand for kids produced in the lab. This may turn out to be a big business.

The Pope and the Fundamentalist Christian bunch may not like this whole business with use of stem cells, cloning and abortion. They can scream all they want but there is no one to hear them. The media won’t let them be heard and as church attendance continues to fall, religion will no longer be a means of disseminating information regarding that mysterious and non-definable part of ourselves called the soul and conscience.

This Brave New World is going to be great. I may be able to stay on the porch indefinitely and fully intact. Now if we can just figure out if the deer in my yard can be used as a source of cells for something it would almost be a perfect world.


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