Since I am now convinced about the Perfect Storm bearing down on America and the impending collapse of the economy and everything else, I have been watching the Discovery Channel and the program about the guy surviving in the wild. It’s a great show and I have picked up some super tips that will help me survive. It’s even okay if the government takes my single shot 22 away. I have had that gun since I was 14 years of age and killed a lot of squirrels with it when I was a kid. I would hate to see it confiscated but I learned from the TV show how to catch a rabbit, so I really don’t need the gun anymore. The guy on TV used a piece of string and a stick to make a rabbit snare. I have been practicing in the back yard. Even though I have had no luck so far, I’m sure it’s going to work. It just looked too easy on TV not to do the trick.
The thing I’m working on now is a trap for a squirrel. I’ve got plenty of those in the yard and on the roof. They really love my bird feeder, so my plan is to rig up a trap with the feeder. Squirrels used to be one of my favorite foods. I killed a lot of them with my uncle when I was a kid and my aunt made great squirrel dumplings and fried squirrel. All this is probably not good for my cholesterol, but with the world situation such as it is, keeping the cholesterol in check is not a high priority. I am more concerned about what I can do to keep from starving and to protect myself from a nuclear blast from Iran.
I have also purchased some tapes to teach me Spanish. I figure Spanish will soon be our national language. I should have taken Spanish somewhere along the line, but didn’t have good advice. I took two years of Latin in high school and two years of German in college. A lot of good that did me. All I remember from Latin is Te Amo and the German I know is Gesundheit and Heil Hitler. Now it’s going to be hard to learn Spanish at my age, but I am trying. At least I can read the menu in the Mexican restaurants.
Learning these great survival tactics is keeping me occupied in my retirement. The only problem is that it is taking me away from the porch. I am even considering making the porch a bomb shelter. Things could be worse; I could be forced to listen to the presidential debates. That is definitely a torture worse than waterboarding.