Tuesday, August 21, 2007

There was another great medical breakthrough this week. Researchers found that human stem cells exposed to a common virus turned into fat cells and stored fat. The virus is adenovirus 36, which is a common cause of colds and pinkeye. A virus has now been blamed for the obesity epidemic. Just a few weeks ago it was reported that obesity was contagious, this may explain why. Researchers were thinking that if a member of your family ate a lot, this caused you to eat more and become fat like your spouse, parents or siblings. This latest research indicates that we may indeed catch the fat virus from close contact with fatties, just like we catch a cold. Where are we to go for safe hiding? Fatties are everywhere. The safest place may be in a third world country or refugee camp.
The researchers expressed hope that a vaccine may be developed within the next 10 years. The bad news is that it probably won’t help if you already have the fat virus.
The virus ranks close to George Bush as the cause for most bad things. The virus has been implicated as the cause for many things including, numerous infections like the common cold, flu and AIDS. Many think a virus is to blame for cancer and even heart disease. George Bush, of course, is responsible for the war in Iraq and all of terrorism as well as being the major contributing factor for global warming, the energy crisis, hurricanes, poverty and the hatred of all foreigners for he United States.
I suspect that medical researchers will soon find out that George Bush may, in fact, be a virus. They will label him Bush 43 just like they do other viruses such as adenovirus 36. He, with the other politicians, we already know are kin to microbes. The plague is cause by a bacteria, Yersina pestis, which is spread by fleas who live on their host, the rat. Doesn’t that sound familiar? Congress is filled with rats who have caused many plagues. Medical researchers will eventually discover that congress must harbor the deadly bacteria Yersina Pestis.
My best bet is to stay on the porch in Salado and not be exposed to fat people or politicians. It may be too late for me. I think I already have the fat virus and may be doomed. My hope is that researchers recently showed that fat people tolerate heart attacks better than skinny folks. Anyway, I can have another piece of pie with a clear conscience because it’s not the real cause of the problem: it’s that bad virus or maybe even George Bush.


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