We have finally reached the bottom of the barrel for news. A few days ago John McCain had an ad, which stated that Obama was nothing more than a rock superstar or a celebrity like Paris Hilton or Britney Spears. Today, Paris Hilton issued a rebuttal to the McCain remarks. She thanked him for the endorsement and said she must be running for president. She said she is ready to lead, and she is not from the olden days like the wrinkly white hair guy and she doesn’t promise change like the other guy. She said, “I’m hot.” She said McCain was so old he was from a time when people thought it was a sin to dance. Is this the same Paris Hilton who found Jesus during her short time in jail and also read the Bible? She is supposed to have turned over a new leaf in her life. Her statements were made as she was partying with her boy friend in Denmark. Maybe she is on a mission trip to that country and trying to save souls.

In other exciting news, McCain is laughing at Obama for his remarks about inflating our tires as a solution to the energy crisis. Obama is responding with one-liner put downs of McCain. Obama has now flip-flopped on his position regarding off shore drilling. He is now for it. The conclusion I have reached from the shallow rhetoric on both sides is that I’m not going to vote in November. I may pull the lever for my state representative candidate and then I will hastily retreat to the porch.

The other big news centers around Brett Favre and whether he will play for the Packers or retire. Who cares? I don’t care if they abolish the entire Packer team. It’s too cold to play football there anyway. I don’t even care about the Cowboys anymore. I’m sick of the Jerry Jones Pizza commercials. Can you imagine Tom Landry doing those commercials or something that low. Football has no class anymore.

Even the Olympics will be minor news this year. You can’t see the games because of the thick smog in Beijing. Since the games will be coming from China I really can’t trust the results coming out of that country. I’m also a little worried about our players because they might be poisoned by the food or by all the lead paint that covers everything in that country.

Again, the safest place for me is on the porch thinking about the good old days. It’s probably best that there is nothing newsworthy. The energy crisis, gas prices, the economy, stock market, recession, inflation, low value of the dollar, terrorism and those sorts of things have become so common place they no longer make exciting news. So, it’s back to good old stuff like the exploits of Paris Hilton.