Multiple news media vans and hundreds of reporters and photographers are stationed outside the LA County Jail for the next 3 weeks. They are there to give hourly updates on the progress and well being of the latest celebrity inmate Paris Hilton. The LA County Jail is going all out to accommodate everyone associated with the famous Paris Hilton. The portion of the jail for celebrities has recently been renovated in hopes that the jail will be able to compete with the Rehah units in the area for the business of movies stars, police officers, politicians, public officials, ministers, mafia bosses and others in the trade who have to serve a sentence imposed by the court for some infraction of the law like murder or drunk driving. The jails are trying to regain the recognition they once enjoyed with high profile prisoners like OJ Simpson.
Reporters this morning said that Paris had a good night. She was allowed to wake at her usual hour of 10AM. She brushed her teeth with an American toothpaste rather than the Chinese.brand, “Breath Away,” issued to the blacks and other hardened criminals in the more distant part of the prison. She then had an odorless bowel movement and took a shower in a private stall. She was served a breakfast of Eggs Benedict with a Mimosa as the beverage. There are some restrictions about having her on bottle in the cell. Her mother and publicist who were able to accompany Paris, and are in adjacent cell, dined with her. Later today she will have her hair done and a pedicure. She will be able to watch HDTV this afternoon and then she will be forced to reflect on her life. She will dictate a few words to her editor who will collaborate on her upcoming book, “My Life in Prison.” The book is expected to an immediate best-seller and will be placed on the night stands in all Hilton Hotels along with the Gideon Bible and phone book.
Later this week, Paris will be entertaining visitors. Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is expected to visit and apologize for not granting her a pardon. He is also expected to praise her for not injuring anyone during her drunk driving escapades. He will assure her that he is attempting to force the legislature to pass a law that will reduce the punishment for parole violations to something like writing on the blackboard 100 times, “I am sorry.”
Following her release from jail in 3 weeks or perhaps sooner, with good behavior, she will be appearing on Larry King Live, David Letterman and The Tonight Show. Her book tour will take her around the country, so I’m sure we are going to be seeing a lot more of Paris.
As for me, I’m staying at home with the TV turned off and have canceled my newspaper subscription. Even with this I am sure the word will get through to me about Paris Hilton. I forgot to mention, who is Paris Hilton anyway?